Mark 10: 6-9
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.
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I received a very wonderful compliment from my brother a little while ago. He said my marriage was made in heaven. I know why he said it because of the circumstances in which the conversation was had that prompted such a compliment. I don't know if my marriage really was made in heaven, but I do believe that my husband and I work every day to make sure our marriage is one that will continue on forever into heaven. What my brother doesn't realize is that my marriage still requires work. All marriages require work, some more than others, but all can be made for heaven.
The scripture I gave above was used against someone very dear to us in, to put plainly, an emotionally and mentally abusive way. This person was told by their significant other to cut the chord with their family and spend more time with them, telling this person "you aren't cleaving unto your spouse" when the only time this person had with their family was the sporadic Skype sessions and phone calls and the occasional hour trip to go see their parents.
In no ways do I believe we are meant to cut all ties and forsake our families when we begin a life with another person. Because my Webster's dictionary is packed up I had to visit dictionary.com to get a definition of cleave which is given as: 1. to adhere closely; stick; cling (usually followed by to); 2. to remain faithful (usually followed by to). I believe this is what this verse means: when we are in our parents' homes, growing and learning, it is to them that we seek advice and receive counsel. It is from them that we turn for an example. Our opinions and thoughts are based on and evolved through what they teach us, even if they become different from theirs. Essentially we adhere to the values of our parents. When we begin a life with someone, I believe it is that part of our parents that we are to leave and cleave to our significant other for.
I don't like to hurt my husband. It hurts me to know that I hurt him. At the beginning of our marriage and on towards the middle of it I would ask my husband's advice on health matters. But after asking him I would then call my mother and ask for hers. While it wasn't so much the taking of my mother's advice over his, I saw that it was the need for me to even ask for hers, as though his advice wasn't ever really needed, that hurt him. Though it is not wrong to still seek the advice of our parents, they do have more experience, we are no longer molded by them. As soon as we say "I do" or commit to someone we are giving ourselves to them for betterment. Who we will become in our later life will largely be determined by the person we have committed ourselves to. And if they were the right person for us in the beginning then we will be transformed into a better person and that marriage will be one made for heaven. Leaving your family to cleave to your spouse has nothing to do with time spent and everything to do with giving your partner value.