It all comes down to balance. Unfortunately, it's easier said than done. Many mamas will know this for a fact. And you don't have to be a photographer on top of it to know that it is difficult to keep your life in balance when you have young ones constantly at your knees. Balance was something that I lacked when I had my first child. He suffered greatly because I was unhappy and I suffered greatly because I was trying to be everything for him and forgetting about myself. I know now where I went wrong, it is that I didn't take time for myself. As creatives it is hard to put that part of ourselves aside. It is an inherent part of our soul and when it isn't fed a part of us starts to wither, suffocate, die. We have to create. If we don't create we suffer. I didn't take my time when my first was born to make sure that I was taking care of that important part of my soul.
I vowed with this second child that I would remember to take that necessary time that I need in order to make sure that I'm taken care of as well. I've been thinking about this a lot this week, especially since my husband and I have found ourselves having many a conversation about whether or not there will be more little ones to come or if this is it (while we were dating and talking of marriage we had come to the decision that we wanted five children), and if this is in fact all that we will have does that make us terrible people (what were we thinking when we decided on five, we've become more than content and completely overwhelmed with just two). I find myself feeling guilty of course for sticking the baby in her bouncer instead of playing with her and turning on "Dinosaur Train" for the toddler so that I can have a misguidedly hopeful ten straight minutes to sit and edit an image or write a blog post. I have moments where I would much rather work on my art than sit and read "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" for the third time. I have moments where I get angry because I want to work on my art and not hold my kid for forty-five minutes trying to get her to sleep. And I do still have worries that I am just an incredibly selfish person.
But then I have to remind myself that it is so much more important for my kids to have a happy mama. If I'm miserable the entire time it's going to show through in my interactions with them. If I'm unhappy then they'll be unhappy. It's important for mamas to take time for themselves. It's ok for me to let the television babysit my kid for a half hour. Now I have an image to edit over the course of a few days I'll take ten minutes during every block (a block is a complete routine cycle my infant goes through (eat, play, sleep)) to work on whatever I need to feed my soul. So far it's worked out pretty well for all of us. And so I'll let myself get lost in the worlds I create for a little while, but always remember to be there for the ones I love in the world I live in.