Fear is not something new. We all face them, we all have specific ones. They keep us from achieving our dreams. A photographer I greatly admire is currently working on a documentary about fear and creativity. She had asked for submissions, short little videos, where we share our greatest fear in creativity. After I submitted mine I felt relieved, in a way. Admitting my fear out loud to someone else almost made the fear less of an issue. And now when I create it's less of a weight. So I began to think more about my fears when it comes to creating my art. And so in hopes of relieving myself of more weight I am sharing with you all of my artistic fears.
1. That my work does not leave an impact.
I worry a lot about sharing my work, whether online or in person, and if my work leaves an impact on them. They don't have to like an image, but does that image leave them thinking. Or do they just look at it and say "Ok, whatever" and move on.
2. That no one really cares about what I do.
Whether or not someone likes my work is a little irrelevant. It's hard to explain the difference for me between liking my work and caring about my work. But it's mentally taxing for me when I share something and receive no reaction from anyone, especially family members. I put so much of myself in each image I create and to have no one say anything kind of eats away at me and my confidence.
3. That one day I just won't have anymore ideas.
When I was younger and thinking about what I wanted to do professionally there was always this one nagging element in my decision: I won't have enough ideas to sustain me for years in this field. I had considered architecture, interior design, writing plays and every time I got near to deciding it was what I wanted to do the rest of my life it would come crashing down because I thought "but what if I can't come up with anything new?" I have that same fear now with my photography. What if I dob't have a single original idea after this one? What if I lose all creativity? Luckily I've learned some techniques to stave off this for a little, but there are still times when I haven't had an idea for an image in weeks and I start to worry all over again that the magic is gone.
4. Obligation.
This is perhaps my biggest fear. Those of you who follow my blog know that I have a difficult time reconciling my time as a mom and an artist. I struggle with this every day. There are things I want to accomplish everyday, but my two little angels keep me from doing anything most days. Even now I've been interrupted seven times and pulled away for a total of thirty minutes to attend to my kids. I will always attend to them first, even if I don't really want to. And most days I wake up with all sorts of goals and realize "what if I don't even have the energy later to do any of it?" And then on the days where I do allow myself some time to work on my art I feel guilty because I think that I should be spending that time with them and being a better mom. There are also times where I could work but I don't allow myself because I fear they will interrupt me non-stop (much like right now) and I don't want to get invested in working on an image just to have my workflow stalled continually. I love my kids and I love my art, but I wish there were a way that I could work on them without feeling anxiety or guilt.
Those are my artistic fears. I'm working on them to make sure they don't rule my creativity. What are your fears?